I'll never love!!!

I don’t want to marry.
Marry to anybody.
Engineer or doctor.
And I truly believe,
I love him utmost.
But I am afraid,
To speak about him,
To parents.
Even when they ask me.
If I have someone special
Who is my ultimate.
My heart stops me.
To raise my voice for him.
All my belief are broken,
And shattered.
The day I left him.
He screamed at me,
And shouted,
Whatever he liked.
As if I was the only one,
To be blamed at first.
I kept quite,
Coz I felt myself guilty,
To whatever I have done.
I didn’t know what to do next?
But surely, never forgive him,
For what he spoke then.
Those words itches my heart.
When so I remember him.
I have now realized,
The biggest fault I ‘have ever made.
Was to love him,
And lie for him.
I can never forget each day,
I tried to be happy
Being with him.
And sat besides him
To listen to him always.
And believed, I was made for him.
Why I am all alone,
With such nostalgic feeling?
Without you and my parents
I lost everything I suppose.
Never ever in my life.
I’ll love anybody
So much to die for him.
And lose him
To obey my parents at last.